I took my 11 year old daughter and her 10 year old friend to the beach the other day. They climbed up on the rocks with bare feet. They skated the shelves of shale at Montana de Oro's Spooner’s Cove. Islay creek runs down along the shoulder of the cove.
The two girls put their hands and feet in the creek. They bent in a squat and just allowed their hands and feet to be submerged in the moving freshwater. The friend said, “I feel so good, I feel so grounded right now.” As I observed them in this space, I was amazed at that moment as I had never heard a child use that language. It made me start to think about what it means to be grounded. What does it mean to be grounded? How is water grounding?
I have long understood that the place where the rivers and creeks meet the sea is cleansing on many levels. The children seemed to tune into this space and really feel into the effects of the freshwater on their hands and feet. I asked them what they meant and they said, “connected.”
I asked them to elaborate on our car ride to the rock climbing gym one day. The friend said the cold water just felt good. “The last time I went with my mom and we sat in the creek and let the water go down my spine, I felt calm and relaxed in the water.”
It was hard for the children to get out of the concrete meaning. So, grounded in the water, on the ground.
I asked if they have tools for grounding aside from being in water. If they are frustrated with school work or a younger sibling crying, what do they do? The friend said she usually goes outside into a hammock. So, then connecting to the air element can also be grounding. She said sometimes her dad and her also go on a walk.
Her parents are yoga practitioners and percussionists and so I asked if she felt grounded with the drums or dancing. She said yes, and my daughter said she feels grounded when she listens to music. The friend said, “You can be grounded in your homework.” When you are really into something you are “pulled in.” I thought about that, it is a rooted quality.
Much like a plant that is grounded, it is rooted in the ground. I asked if they feel grounded when rock climbing. No and yes. “I guess because you get pulled in and focused on what you are doing.” So, there is a quality to groundedness that is rooted in whatever the activity is, be it in the air, water or perhaps even in fire.
Following this thread of curiosity, I asked my mother, Peggy Horan, seasoned Esalen Massage(™) teacher and meditator, former dancer and midwife, what does being grounded mean to her? I wanted her take as my mom is the first person I think of when I think of what being grounded looks like. She is strong and present, and while she may have distracted or agitated moments like all humans, she feels to me like the embodiment of groundedness. Though she could probably write a whole book about this, which I regularly encourage her to do, this is what she said about it:
“Grounded is an embodied presence in my body. Focused on the physical sensations of my body – rather than the thoughts that are running through my mind. To feel connected to the ground beneath me. A sense of balance and equanimity.”
Can you feel grounded in relationship to other elements? “I feel grounded on the ground. The meaning doesn't have to be on the ground. As long as you feel embodied, you are somewhat grounded in a sense.”
I was thinking horseback riding as an activity where the human is not touching the ground, but is perhaps having a sense of one's own ground in a relationship. Mom says, “The basic principle is being embodied.”
What does it mean to be embodied? Can one be embodied and in the mind at the same time?
“The mind is going to be in the process of creating thoughts and judgment and so it is in the way you relate to your mind. If you're grounded you won’t be as hijacked, but rather just aware and watching thoughts. They do not capture you. Being in balance – a sense of not losing your ground when life throws you some surprise, or a change. Being able to be fluid with the changing reality of the moment. We will always respond, but can we respond wisely to the moment.”
When I feel grounded, I am more focused and calm and more in my body. When I feel ungrounded I feel spacey and scattered, agitated. I don’t take for granted that I grew up with an amazing mama and in a community in which language like ‘being grounded’ was used so often it seemed like everyone knew it.
I see this same fluency in the place and way I am raising my daughter, and in her friendships. I notice how these friendships seem to foster a shared language of embodiment in ways that many young people don’t have in their life. I don’t take this for granted, but rather try to understand and share its wisdom.
It is very special to see this unfolding as I observe the world and the way children interact with it. When I simply just observe children, I learn so much. I also find hope in listening to elders, following their footsteps in the sand, bringing curiosity to their knowledge. Whatever it means to you, may we all find our ground; especially when we most need it.
